Coconut Layer Cake Murder Read online

  “It was bad when I came to work and that was at four this afternoon,” Alvin told them.

  “And it’s still nasty,” Lonnie agreed.

  “I know. Everybody who comes in says that. All it takes is one idiot from out of state slamming on his brakes, and we’ve got a real . . . uh-oh!”

  “What is it?” Lonnie asked, turning in the direction that Alvin was facing.

  “Trouble on table six,” Alvin said, and even though Lonnie didn’t know the table numbers, he saw exactly what Alvin was seeing.

  “Darcy,” he said, cueing in Cassie and Brian, who also turned to look.

  As they watched, Darcy had just picked up her drink and she took a big gulp. Denny was frowning and he looked as if he wanted to throw his own drink in her face. It didn’t take a genius to recognize that Darcy and her fiancé’s altercation had escalated.

  Lonnie turned back to Alvin. “We see it.”

  “She hasn’t had that much to drink,” Alvin said. “This is her first drink and she asked the waitress to make sure that it was a light one, but I think I’d better eighty-six him. He’s got more than a buzz on. Do you think I should go over and tell him that I’m cutting him off?”

  Lonnie shook his head. “It’s okay, Alvin. I know both of them. I’ll take care of it for you.”

  “Thanks a lot, Lonnie!”

  Alvin looked incredibly grateful and he wasted no time hurrying back to the waitress’s station. Lonnie watched as Alvin had a brief conversation with his brother, Lenny, who was acting as the service bartender. Then both of them gave a thumbs-up in Lonnie’s direction.

  Lonnie returned the salute. He couldn’t blame Alvin for not wanting to confront Denny. The Penske brothers were not large men, and Lonnie estimated that neither one weighed much more than a hundred and thirty pounds dripping wet. Denny probably outweighed either of them by more than a hundred plus pounds and he was still in fighting shape.

  “Need some help?” Brian asked Lonnie, and it was obvious he’d overheard Lonnie’s conversation with Alvin. “He’s a lot bigger than you are, Lonnie.”

  “Thanks, but it’s okay. Just keep an eye on things when I get there. If I give you the high sign, come and help.”

  Cassie slid off her bar stool. “I can help you, Lonnie.”

  “You?” Brian looked doubtful. “What can you do, Cassie?”

  “I can go over there and ask Darcy if she wants to go to the ladies’ room with me. And I can make sure she stays there for a while. That’ll take her out of the picture so you guys can deal with Denny.”

  “That’s a pretty good idea,” Brian complimented her. “Do you think she’ll go with you?”

  “Sure, she will. Women don’t like to go to the ladies’ room alone. Haven’t you ever noticed that they always leave in pairs?”

  Lonnie thought about that for a moment. “I just never thought about it before, but you’re right, Cassie. Why do they go in pairs?”

  “Because it gives them a chance to talk about their dates and compare notes.”

  Brian and Lonnie exchanged glances, and Lonnie suspected that they were thinking the same thing. They could live to be a hundred and they’d never really understand women.

  “Give me a minute with Darcy,” Cassie told Lonnie. “Right after she gets up and we leave, come on over and do what you’re going to do with Denny.”

  Lonnie and Brian watched as Cassie walked over to the table and greeted Darcy and her fiancé. There was a short conversation, and then Darcy got to her feet and followed Cassie to the back of the building. They turned at the hallway where the restrooms were located and disappeared from sight.

  “She did it,” Brian said, looking surprised, but also quite proud.

  “She sure did,” Lonnie agreed.

  Brian glanced at Lonnie’s nearly-empty glass. “You must be thirsty. You finished that one in no time flat.”

  “I am. I think I put too much salt on the French fries I had with my sandwich.”

  “You ate food here?”

  Brian sounded shocked and Lonnie laughed. “Heck, no! I know better than that. I stopped at Hal and Rose’s Café to eat.”

  “That’s good. At least I won’t have to call the paramedics for you,” Brian said with a grin. “On our way to Darcy’s table, let’s stop at the service bar and order you another Coke.”

  “Thanks. I’ll just finish this one and then I’ll go over and talk to Denny. Cassie did me a real favor. It’ll be a lot easier to defuse the situation if Darcy’s not there. Just keep an eye on Denny, will you?”

  “Sure will. Don’t worry about me, Bro. I’ll be right there if you need me.”

  Lonnie stood up and was about to step away from the bar when Brian grabbed his arm. “Wait a second! Denny just got up. I hope he’s not heading to the restrooms.”

  “If he is, I’ll intercept him,” Lonnie promised.

  Both men watched as Denny headed toward the spot where the cocktail waitress was standing. There was a brief conversation, and then Denny got out his wallet and handed her some money. She nodded, walked up to the service bar, and turned the money over to Lenny Penske. Once she’d gotten change, she carried it back to Denny. Denny took some of it, handed the rest back to her, and headed for the door.

  “He’s leaving!” Brian sounded very surprised. “I wonder if he told Darcy that he was going.”

  “If he did, she’ll probably tell Cassie.” Lonnie watched the cocktail waitress as she put the tip money in her apron pocket, picked up the tray and the drink order that Denny had given her, and delivered them to Darcy and Denny’s empty table.

  “Denny paid for those drinks, but he didn’t stick around long enough to drink his,” Brian noted. “He must have told her to deliver them anyway.”

  “I think we should move over to Darcy’s table,” Lonnie suggested. “If Denny didn’t tell Darcy that he was leaving, she’ll be pretty upset if she comes back to an empty table.”

  Brian nodded. “You’re right. Why don’t you go over there and sit down? I’ll catch the cocktail waitress, order a Coke for you, and ask her to bring these”—he gestured toward the flight of Tequila Sunrises—“over to Darcy’s table. And don’t forget the rest of the cake. Darcy might like to drown her sorrows in some of those great-tasting carbs.”

  HANNAH’S COCONUT LAYER CAKE

  Preheat oven to 350°F., rack in the middle position.

  8-ounce can crushed pineapple (I used Dole)

  2 cups shredded coconut (pack it down when you measure it)

  cup (2 Tablespoons) all-purpose flour

  12-ounce (by weight) bag of white chocolate chips or vanilla baking chips (11-ounce package will do, too—I used Nestlé)

  4 large eggs

  ½ cup vegetable oil

  ¼ cup cold whole milk

  ¼ cup rum (I used Malibu Caribbean Rum with Coconut Liqueur)

  2 teaspoons coconut extract

  8-ounce (by weight) tub of sour cream (I used Knudsen)

  1 box of white cake mix with or without pudding in the mix, the kind that makes a 9-inch by 13-inch cake or a 2-layer cake (I used Duncan Hines)

  5.1-ounce package of instant coconut pudding mix (I used Jell-O, the kind that makes 6 half-cup servings)

  Prepare your cake pans. You’ll need 2 round cake pans, 8 or 9 inches in diameter.

  Spray the inside of your cake pans with Pam Baking Spray. Alternatively, you can spray them with Pam Cooking Spray and flour the inside of the pan, sides and all, knocking out the excess flour.

  Hannah’s 1st Note: To flour a baking pan, put some flour in the bottom, hold it over your kitchen wastebasket, and tap the pan to move the flour all over the inside of the pan. Continue this until all the inside surfaces of the pan, including the sides, have been covered with a light coating of flour.

  Place a strainer over a bowl on the counter. Open the can of crushed pineapple and dump (yes, that is a cooking term) it into the strainer. Leave it there to drain while you continue to make the batter
for your cake. (You can save the juice to add to orange juice in the morning.)

  Put the coconut in the bowl of a food processor. Sprinkle on the 2 Tablespoons of flour. Process to chop the coconut into much smaller pieces by using the steel blade in an on-and-off motion.

  Place the finely-chopped coconut in a bowl on the counter.

  Put the white chocolate or vanilla baking chips in the bottom of the food processor bowl. In an on-and-off motion with the steel blade, chop the chips into small pieces.

  Place the chopped chips in another bowl on the counter.

  Hannah’s 2nd Note: You can mix up this cake by hand, but it takes some muscle and you must make sure everything is well combined. It’s a lot easier to do if you use an electric mixer.

  Crack the eggs into the bowl of an electric mixer. Mix them up on LOW speed until they’re a uniform color. The consistent color will tell you that the eggs are thoroughly mixed.

  Pour the half-cup of vegetable oil over the eggs. Mix the two ingredients together on LOW speed.

  Add the quarter-cup of cold milk to the bowl. Mix it in on LOW speed.

  Add the quarter-cup of rum to the bowl. Mix that in on LOW speed.

  Hannah’s 3rd Note: If you do not want to use liquor in this cake, you can substitute another quarter-cup of cold milk for the rum.

  Add the 2 teaspoons of coconut extract to the bowl. Mix that in on LOW speed.

  Scoop out the 8-ounce container of sour cream and add it to your bowl. Mix that in on LOW speed.

  When everything is well combined, open the box of dry cake mix and sprinkle HALF of it on top of the liquid ingredients in the bowl. (This doesn’t have to be precisely half. Just use your best judgment.) If you add the cake mix all at once and then turn on your mixer, you risk having the dry cake mix fly all over your kitchen! (And please don’t ask me how I know this.)

  Mix in the first half of your cake mix on LOW speed.

  Add the second half of your cake mix and mix that in. Continue to mix until everything is well combined.

  Add the package of dry instant coconut pudding mix. Beat it in, again on LOW speed.

  Finally, sprinkle in the chopped coconut and chopped white chocolate or vanilla chips. Mix them in thoroughly on LOW speed.

  Remember the crushed pineapple that you set in the strainer on your counter? Now it’s time to deal with that.

  With the back of a mixing spoon, press down on the crushed pineapple in the strainer. Keep moving the spoon and pressing down until you’ve gotten as much liquid as possible from the pineapple.

  Tear off several pieces of paper toweling and place it over the top of the pineapple in the strainer. Press down on that with your impeccably clean hand. Again, express as much liquid as you can. You want this pineapple as dry as you can get it.

  Place the crushed pineapple in the bowl of the mixer and mix it in on LOW speed. Mix until it’s thoroughly combined.

  Shut off the mixer, scrape down the sides of the bowl, and give your batter a final stir by hand.

  Use a rubber spatula to transfer the cake batter to the prepared cake pans. Do this as evenly as possible.

  Smooth the tops of both pans with a rubber spatula and place them on the same shelf in the oven, leaving as much room between the pans as possible.

  For two 8-inch rounds, bake your Coconut Layer Cake at 350°F. for 45 minutes, or until a cake tester inserted 1 inch from the center comes out clean.

  For two 9-inch rounds, bake your Coconut Layer Cake at 350°F., for 35 minutes, or until a cake tester inserted 1 inch from the center comes out clean.

  Before you take your cake out of the oven, test it for doneness by inserting a cake tester, thin wooden skewer, or long wooden toothpick one inch from the center of the cake pan. If the tester comes out clean, your cake is done. If there is still unbaked batter clinging to the tester, shut the oven door and bake your cakes in 5-minute increments, testing after each increment, until they test done.

  Once your cakes have finished baking, take them out of the oven and set them on cold stovetop burners or wire racks. Let them cool in the pans for 15 minutes.

  After the 15-minute cooling time is up, run a table knife from your silverware drawer around the sides of the pans to loosen the cakes.

  Pick up each cake pan with oven mitts or potholders and tip the pan upside down on a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper. Gently tap the bottom of the pan to free the cake. Carefully lift off the cake pan so that the cake rests on the parchment paper.

  Cover your cake layers loosely with foil and refrigerate for at least one hour. Overnight is even better. You want the cake layers to firm up.

  Frost your Coconut Layer Cake with Coconut Lemon Frosting. Alternatively, if you’d prefer a frosting that is not cooked on the stove, use the Coconut Lemon and Cream Cheese Frosting. (Both frosting recipes and instructions for frosting your layer cake follow.)

  Yield: At least 8 pieces of incredibly good and very rich cake. This cake is wonderful with vanilla ice cream on top. Serve with tall glasses of ice-cold milk or cups of strong coffee.

  COCONUT LEMON FROSTING

  2 cups white chocolate or vanilla baking chips (11-ounce package)

  ¼ teaspoon salt (it brings out the flavor of the chocolate)

  14-ounce can of sweetened condensed milk

  1 teaspoon coconut extract

  1 teaspoon lemon zest

  1 Tablespoon ( stick) salted butter

  1 cup sweetened coconut flakes ( to pat on top of the frosting you use)

  Hannah’s Note: If you use a double boiler for this frosting, it’s foolproof. You can also make it in a heavy saucepan over low to medium heat on the stovetop, but you’ll have to stir it constantly with a wooden spoon or a heat-resistant spatula to keep it from scorching.

  Fill the bottom part of the double boiler with water. Make sure the water doesn’t touch the underside of the top.

  Put the white chocolate or vanilla chips and the salt in the top of the double boiler, set it over the bottom, and place the double boiler on the stovetop at MEDIUM heat. Stir occasionally until the white chocolate or vanilla chips are melted.

  Stir in the can of sweetened condensed milk. Cook approximately 2 minutes, stirring constantly, until the frosting is shiny and of spreading consistency.

  Shut off the heat, remove the top part of the double boiler, and set it on a cold stovetop burner. Quickly stir in the coconut extract and the lemon zest. (It may sputter a bit, so be careful.)

  Add the salted butter and stir it in until it melts.

  Keep stirring your frosting until it cools enough to reach proper spreading consistency.

  The following frosting is the alternative to the cooked frosting.

  COCONUT AND LEMON CREAM CHEESE FROSTING

  ½ cup softened salted butter (1 stick, 4 ounces, ¼ pound)

  8-ounce package softened cream cheese (the brick kind, NOT whipped)

  1 teaspoon coconut extract

  Zest of 1 lemon

  4 cups confectioners’ (powdered) sugar (no need to sift unless it’s got big lumps)

  Mix the softened butter with the softened cream cheese

  Add the coconut extract and the lemon zest. Mix well.

  Hannah’s Note: Do this next step at room temperature. If you heated the cream cheese or the butter to soften it, make sure it’s cooled down before you continue.

  Add the confectioners’ sugar in half-cup increments until the frosting is of proper spreading consistency. (You’ll use all, or almost all, of the sugar.)

  To Frost Your Coconut Layer Cake:

  Take your cake layers out of the refrigerator and put the first layer, upside down, on a cake plate.

  Using a frosting knife, slather the top of the layer with the frosting you have chosen to use.

  Put the other layer, right-side up, on top of the frosting you spread on the bottom layer.

  Use your impeccably clean palms to press down on the top layer to make sure that it is securely in place.
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br />   Using a frosting knife, frost the sides of the cake. Use the edge of the frosting knife to smooth the frosting.

  Slather the rest of the frosting on top of your cake and spread that out.

  Smooth the frosting you placed on the top of your cake.

  Quickly, before the frosting dries, pat sweetened coconut flakes all over the sides and the top of your cake.